So, yeah, I've blogged too little. Not like anybody reads this damn thing anyway right? Might as well just delete all my posts.
Note I didn't say delete my account because my one and only fandom resides on LJ lol
so~ since my last update, it has been about 3 months now. Other than the new adventures, things with uni and personal relationships have not been going too well.
Uni-wise, I thought I could do better. I'm amazed that I scored a freaking distinction for Intl Finance! In the start of the semester, the convener was warning me, urging that I drop the course because I did not have knowledge in Corporate Finance, let alone International Finance. Throughout the semester, the tutor was also giving me side eyes because I was the only non-Finance major in her class and while everyone was contributing, I stayed silent. And this other girl was in my class and she was one hell of a competitive classmate, giving me the "aww you poor thing, must be so hard on you!" treatment all the time, in AND out of uni. Most of the time I want to strangle her. But I'm nice.
I expected a HD for the rest of the courses though. I was 2 marks from HD in one course and it somehow really got me. I will always be a B grade student.
So yes, I felt really inadequate the last semester. I may be a high-scorer in my degree, may have been appointed a title representing my country, may have been invited into an honour society, but I still am feeling inadequate, incapable, lacking, incompetent, insufficient, insubstancial, miserable, lame. I can't think of any more words to describe my plight.
Worse part is, I tried to get rid of such negativity through the things I usually do, watching JE videos, reading Idol magazines, heck I even started an online shop! But nothing, I still feel like shit. Totally not fit for what I was appointed for. Not fit to be anything.
Personal relationships.. I have been closing myself at home for about 2 weeks now. Okay, I went to uni 3 days ago but that was it. I just feel so sick of the world outside. I've been rejecting invitations, backing out last minute (not deliberately, I swear) and eating really unhealthily (if I am even eating) because I can't be bothered to get groceries. So there goes my social life.
All in all, my life now is pretty much ultimately fucked. And I only have myself to blame. I find it a real chore to talk, eat or simply interact with the human race. The only good thing that came out from that is I've lost some weight. 14 more days till Uni starts back up. I know this lifestyle is not right, might even be a disorder so, hopefully, I'll get better.